


The Tall-Tale of when Dirk shat himself in a Walmart.

by ClownOfRage, riqwick



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, Dirk shits himself in a walmart, M/M, Shit, Walmart, poop, shit kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:15:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29023317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClownOfRage/pseuds/ClownOfRage, https://archiveofourown.org/users/riqwick/pseuds/riqwick
Summary: Please do not take this seriously. I wrote this in my English class.
Relationships: Jake English/Dirk Strider
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	The Tall-Tale of when Dirk shat himself in a Walmart.

**Author's Note:**

> I hate myself for this /srs

Dirk, Roxy, Jane, and Jake were all standing around the food court in the mall, Dirk looked over to Roxy, as Roxy noticed she asked,

"Do any of you have to you the bathroom?"

Jane stopped talking with Jake and looked over to Roxy, "I haven't thought about it, but now that you mention it, I might as well go just to make sure!" Roxy nodded and looked over at Jake and dirk, "What about you to??"

"I'm good, real men use the bathroom when they have to." Dirk said in reassurance, Jake rolled his eyes. "I might as well go to, dirk since you're not going stay here so we can remember where you are." Jake stated, Dirk gave him a thumbs up as they all headed over to the bathroom in the mall.

\- Time Skip. -

Roxy, Jane, and Jake came back to Dirk after using the restroom. "Shall we get back to shopping?" Jane looked at the rest. "Sure! Where were ya'll thinking of going to next?" Jake responded, Dirk looked at them, "There's a walmart next to the mall."

Jake looked at Roxy and Jane and thought the idea was good. "Let's go then!"

\- Time Skip. -

Once in the walmart, they all went their separate ways, Dirk looked at these sick cowboy hats. When he started to feel his stomach rumble. He felt uneasy.. "Shit." He looked down at himself. Nobody was around him. He decided to just let it out. Starting to shit his pants. The brown substance started to stain his shorts. He moaned lightly as he felt it come out of his badonkadonk. He should have used the bathroom when he was told... Damn...

Dirk anxiously found his way back to his friends, hoping to whatever fucking God there was, that they wouldn’t notice. Everything was smooth sailing. Except for the brown stain on his earlier lightly colored shorts. The squish of it in the back of his pants smeared across his cheeks as he walked, his fat bubbly butt was no help.

“Oi! Dirky! C’mere love. Do you think this shirt will look good on me?” Oh god. His wonderful boyfriend, Jake. Jake English, who told him to go to the bathroom, who- _fuck_ he has to answer the question still.

He inhales a bit, glad his glasses cover his eyes, hiding his fear. “I’m sure it’ll look fine, Jake. Can we... can we go? I’m bored.. and have work to do. Yeah.. gotta work a bit.” What a shit excuse... literally. Jake scoffed a bit, sighing softly. He inhaled slowly and- “Dirk.. do you smell that?” He sniffs again. God no he’s trying to figure it out and- He looked down. Why the fuck did he have to look down. “Dirk...? Did you.....?” you nod, slowly and shamefully.

Slowly, his shock turns into a smirk. A hint of arousal in his eyes. “Oh Dirk~” he moans out, his voice dropping significantly. You flush bright red as he puts back every thing he had grabbed. He mumbles a low “You dirty boy. You naughty dirty boy Dirky.” as he takes your hands and drags you out of the store, shooting a quick text to Roxy. She can tell Jane they left. Jake gave no context within the text either, no time. Just a simple

`GT: Something happened and we had to leave!! See you later!`

Soon enough, Dirk and Jake had made their way back home. Thank God. He was starting to get crusty and itch down there.


End file.
